Yeah this is Unpretending’s Substack.
It’s hard to write with a heavy heart and this episode is not all cheery and upbeat. It’s written by me, Someone Else. Others in this System call me South East. I don’t usually feel the feels, I’m more pragmatic but the System is feeling too many feels and I’m just trying to keep my head from going under the water of emotions that their feeling.
Twenty four days of total freedom and love flew by in a flash and the System had much to write about. Those pieces sit partly written throughout our journal waiting to be completed and published but not by me.
Words are hard to find by them girls here. It’s as if each time they try someone inside takes their words, the joyous memories, and pours them out of our brain like a bag of marbles tipped onto the hard dry dirt, scattered away, unable to be put into a row.
Leaving our dear Multimes was more than hard. Yet them inside need to hold those feelings close, they are not for readers eyes or listeners ears right now. We have already planned a future trip so the hard won’t last, the hardness and sadness of leaving has a count down for going back. Going back to our Multimes.
Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.
Try as I might that is all I can write, I’m sick of the Systems voice and opinions, I think some People in us just like to hear the sound of our own voice as if we have something to say, as if they have something important to say to the world. Maybe they have, but to me it sounds self-centred, crass and attention seeking. I know we as a System are supposed to be kind and supportive of our Others and I try as I can, but honestly, reality isn’t always the same for each of us here.
So maybe Unpretending or The Body’s Name will still write about the people we met, the food we ate, and even the trip back. But today, it’s just me with a heart drop and a mind scattered and Others inside our head join me and say, “What’s the use? We are back now, who cares anyway.”
The house we live in hasn’t changed, the little children we have come back to are as darling and as sweet as ever. Our role here is the same and we have the energy and the tenacity to do it well, especially after almost a month of rest and recovery.
The season has changed though and we’ve arrived to vibrant autumn colours, cold mornings and cool days, a vast difference to the warm humid days in the Midwest.
We have therapy today thankfully. Our therapist will work with us and those who are feeling the big feels, hopefully we don’t just go in there and verbally vomit. Sometimes personally I think I’ll go mad if I hear voices of them here go on and on and on the way they do.
I know we are going to throw ourselves back into routine, and once this jet lag fades we’ll do all the things we have to do. Have to? Chose to? Someone walked us into this life with its responsibilities and they must be played out. Cause no harm. That’s what they say here.
DID sucks big time when you are living a life you didn’t choose. There, I said it. How about you reader? Listener? Do you live a life you’ve chosen? Is there anybody out there stuck inside a life that feels like a dream they can’t get out of?
This has been Someone Else for Unpretending Spontaneous.
We’re thankful you’ve come to Unpretending’s Substack.
And your day? Well I hope it’s good enough.
My day feels like déjà vu.
Take it easy.